Life after Love...

As the sun rises today--the 1st day of the 7th month--I write this piece for someone so dear to me...This is for all those times she thought I forgot her birthday. YES, it is true that there were times it slipped my mind but i had never forgotten...my greetings may have been late but again NEVER forgotten.

Though we were always miles apart (and we do make up for it when we're together) our bond is always stronger as each day passes...like that of twins... We know how the other feels...I feel it when she's happy, I hurt when she's unhappy, I'm proud when she's ecstatic and when she feels hopeless and in despair I long to embrace her and envelop her in silence as she cries, with hopes that the pain and emptiness she feels will go away...But as I remember all this in depth--the things I share with her--I realize that it is my emotions that she mirrors...

It took one big argument that one fateful day for me to understand, that it is her strength that makes me hold on and embrace life, it is her impatience that drives me to excel...It is her words that keeps me sane...and at times when I can no longer hold on...she simply says "Everything's gonna be alright" and I believe her EVERY time...and everything does turn out to be alright.

For the 25 years, she's been searching for a purpose in her life (although I am uncertain if she's already figured it out) this is what I know is true my darling, You will always be my rock...one of the foundations of my being...one of whom has helped me be who I am...I meant it when I said I wouldn't know what I'd do if I lost you, for you keep me grounded. I guess you can safely say that I am one of your purposes in life...to keep making me believe that Love truly exists in it's most unconditional way.

Happy Birthday my darling Thara....

Thank You & Good Night...

As I progress on to counting the days till Christmas...one of my favorite seasons of the year...I can't help but be stoic due to the circumstances that occurs during this time.
As I live day after day, I thank a higher power for making me open my eyes to each day and remembering that it is a gift...that's why it's called the present; I also give thanks for the endurance provided to me so I can get home safely;I give thanks for the patience, I learned those many days I sat side by side with my Uncle Bobby as we waited for fish to tug on our lines during those long days of fishing trips (the only time I get to spend with someone I consider my father in moments of silence not having to talk about anything or be pressured to say anything to each other);I thank my dear soul sister for always knowing what I feel even when we're miles apart...for seeing me when I wanted to be invisible;I thank my elders for always guiding me, and trusting my better judgment despite my flaws;I thank my younger cousins for looking up to me and thinking I'm super-woman in spite of my mortality and vulnerability; I thank my sisters for just being who they are...as they grow with love and understanding in the shadow of a believer (one who believes they will be great human beings who shall contribute greatly to the world in their own little way);I give thanks to my grandmother for being that immovable rock...steady and unyielding;I give thanks to my mother...for making me who I am. I give thanks to my friends who lets me laugh with wholehearted joy, and accepts me even when I've made a fool of myself, who lets me cry without having to ask why and who takes me dancing when I'm mad;I give thanks to the rich and powerful for making me feel humbled yet ambitious;I give thanks to the poor and desolate for letting me see through their eyes the insatiable desire to be heard...and lastly, I give thanks to my heart and my conscience...for having the courage to withstand the tests of time and knowing what is right when everyone else says you're wrong.

A Charmed life: Phoebe's heart..

Just a backgorund on Phoebe's love life on the Charmed series; After Prue's death, Phoebe became the middle sister, who constantly tried to find balance in her life - A woman, a sister, an aunt, a force of good and most of all as a successfull columnist in a newspaper company. She was always giving advise to people about love and relationships, yet her own was quite a mess, so to speak. She had fallen deeply in-love with a demon named Cole. And after her tragic choice of choosing her family and the forces of good over love with an evil enemy, it had left her empty and unsure of ever finding love again...

Now, a person so dear to me has a similar situation so let's call her "Phoebe" to eliminate the confusion.

I've known Phoebe for a long time, we grew up together. Although as time passed we were still joined at the hip (figuratively) despite the fact that we were miles apart. The Phoebe I know, lived a good life; a pampered home, great parents who looked after her, a sibling who adored her, great education, and heaps of friends who loved her too, yet she thought something was missing...that special someone, until she met Jason Dean. Jason is a hard working fellow who devoted his time to two things; work and Phoebe. Jason is the type of man who likes to pamper the woman he loves, gives her everything - time, attention and a little more extra, even if Phoebe doesn't need it or like it. And Jason has a problem, in most cases he finds it hard to communicate verbally so instead he showers her with attention or gifts...something Phoebe did not enjoy over the course of their relationship, but kept it to herself, thinking it's a minor detail that can be worked on. But then she met Cole Turner.
Cole on the other hand, is very outspoken, ambitious, and challenging...something Phoebe needed to divert her attention from the mishaps that was going on between her and Jason. Although Cole sounds appealing, he was broken, mistrusting and sometimes resentful towards women that Phoebe thought she could fix with her maternal instincts, until she realised her instincts to fix him had caused her to fall in-love with him...so in-love that it caused her to end her relationship with Jason...so desperately in-love that after a while of being together they where in total bliss with each other, but then Cole decided to crawl back into his hole of self-pity. It hurt Phoebe and almost tore her apart, and despite the pain she felt, she kept it from Cole and suffered on her own having only her friends and family for alternative comfort. But Cole has a good friend named DraKe, and Phoebe liked him as a friend and cared about him so much that during her times of outburst she confided in him and he advised her not to give up on love for he would be there to comfort her and even more.

Phoebe is now confused on what she would do. Should she continue to love Cole, even if she's no longer sure that he loves her back or have DraKe in her life and give him the chance to make her happy even if she did not love him back?

A Charmed life: Piper's love - Preface

If you ever watched the former tv series "Charmed" then you'd know that Piper is originally the middle sister who suddenly got thrown into the role of the responsible one right after her eldest sister Prue died. She, along with sisters Phoebe and Paige fight the forces of evil all over the city of San Francisco while juggling life as a sister, as a club owner, as a woman and later as a mom.

Piper, in the series fell in love with a white lighter named Leo, he's what you'd call the Witches' guardian angel always trying to make right by them. Even if some times evil just gets to persistent. Well, Piper and Leo's love was an epic envied by many. They even went through hard times where Piper almost fell for another character named Dan-a hunky, next door neighbor who was willing to do anything and give up everything for Piper. In comparison to Leo, Dan's just so ordinary, and more human. But Leo seems to have it all, except time; time to spend his waking hours with the woman he loves. His duty to the Elders mostly gets in the way of their relationship and to one point almost caused chaos to the city of San Francisco because of it. But in the end...everyone got their happily ever after...except for Dan...

This is a preface of the upcoming stories i will be writing pertaining to real life people, so if you don't want to get confused on what i'm talking about, you better brush up on your 'Charmed' series. Stay tuned for the next episodes...and comment if you wish...

Woman on the verge...

Do not judge me by the color of my skin or by my size or by my misfortunes; but by the strength of my intellect and the gravity of my principles.

Why is it that in this day and age chivalry is dead? Although being chivalrous pertains to knighthood and everything that comes with it of the medieval times, isn't it safe to say that some qualities would be passed on to the present day?

Then why may I ask is it that these qualities are now vanishing?

I've heard stories from alot of women (family, friends, etc.) who've been searching for love;

that they haven't found their gallant knight, just because he lacks some of the qualities that we women swoon over for. Is it necessary for us women to settle merely on looks, physical attributes, intelligence, or attitude alone; when there could also be romance and all
that mushy stuff that we pretend not to like but have tingling sensations rising up our spines?When will men get it, that we women like the idea of love or being in-love? When will it occur to their thick head that we want to be romanced, swept off our feet, carried away in a white horse...yada-yada??
Can we also be held responsible for these disappearing attributes? Since women now are more
open minded, vocal and liberated. Do men really feel threatened if a woman surpasses him, financially, intellectually and emotionally? Perhaps they do but then again we women don't think of it that way...

~The reason us women slave away in cramp offices in an 8-5 job is for us to be independent that if something happens in a relationship, we'll be able to pick ourselves up from whatever hell we got ourselves into.

~The reason we study hard and become smart is so no man can put us down even if deep inside we have tonnes of insecurities...We cover this up by trying to sound intelligent.

~The reason we seem emotionally more adaptable is that when we're hurt we tend to put up barriers to prevent ourselves from making the same mistake and getting hurt again.

We wear high heeled shoes, and endure the pain; put on different make-ups, wear the prettiest dresses, spend countlessly on our hair, diet till we starve just to lose weight; all of that, just to make ourselves more attractive to you men...

We work so hard to try to be your perfect woman, then why in the world can't you guys try to be our perfect men?

From Divisoria with Love...

Today started out early, I got to Starbucks (Divisoria) before any of my friends. As I met Joan and her mom I had already drank half of my Espresso Frappuccino and lit up a couple of fags. The last to arrive was Fran who came waltzing in from the morning traffic still looking poised despite the heat, Sarah at this point was still missing-in-action. By the time Fran arrived it was past 11am so we wormed our way towards the heart of the chaotic world of "Cheap Central." We allocated materials needed for Joan's upcoming nuptials and scavenged for other things...Sarah joined us after the lunch hour, she sat with us discussing the "DRESS" and i mean the dress where we will be brides-maids in Joan's wedding...It terrified me...the thought of one of our friends getting married and asking me to be her brides-maid made me feel...OLD. In the past, I didn't mind being the bridesmaid for my aunt, uncle, etc. I was young...it had not occurred to me that we were already getting older and now it's my friend who's getting hitched...one by one we were getting plucked off from the social market. Our other friends had gotten married in a civil way so I guess i didn't really mind, but this wedding of Joan is in a sacred place...they had always thought i'd be the first to get married in a church, but that was just it...a thought. Never the less, it's a sour thought for me still...I'm getting older each year and yet the future is still unknown for me especially now that i'm back in the market. Well, what can i say things just don't work out the way we want them too...

Moving along, to our story...After Sarah had already filled our heads with images of the "Dress" we set off again to search for more things for the wedding. We walked a mile along spit filled streets and trash abundant alleys to get everything we needed...until finally...success! The end to a busy search...and what more to do for celebration but to eat fried siopao...yumm!

After that much intense walking marathon wherein i thought i might have lost 10lbs. in the process, Me, Sarah & Fran parked our butts at Seattle's Best Coffee place at the Greenbelt to savor our favorite drinks, people watch and discuss about everything, something, anything and nothing...enjoying each other's company.

As I write this I still have one more dilemma...the wedding march song i'm supposed to sing on the wedding day...THE song that i have to sing as the bride walks down the aisle...THE song that will hightlight the event as a remembrance of it's meaning and importance to the couple and to the people sharing the memories...so what would it be then?? Well, my search is over...after 4 hours of thinking about my old repertoires...the title "You first believe" by Hoku. If you're curious as to what that song is...just look for it on youtube.com for i have no idea how to attach it to this blog...by naive sense of self cannot estimate the brilliance of technology as of yet.

My Little Learnings...

I'm at my 25th year of endless search about life, love and happiness - what have I learned so far?

I have learned that no matter how old or experienced our parents claim to be, they are still children in their own right, seeking the same things others do... "Ultimate Bliss"

I have learned that no matter what trouble occurs in the family, blood will always be thicker despite whatever circumstances.

I have learned that it's better to tell someone or a particular person how you really feel than keeping it to yourself to avoid self-destruction.

I have learned that it's good to talk about your feelings because it eases the pain of problems, build a lasting relationship with others and takes 10 years out of you making you look younger. ^_^ (love this part the most)

I have learned that you can't really blame other people for their actions and decisions, because that is the way they were either taught, grew up realizing or is simply their own disposition in life where in it is the only way they know how to approach the situation.

I have learned that no matter how painful you think a person will feel when you know they're at fault, it is important for you to let them know it in a nice way...It shows you care for the person.

I have learned that you should never listen to gossip no matter how true they seem, always confront the situation to get the truth and clarify, rather than being defensive and aggresive towards the situation.

I have learned that when you're in-love or fall in-love, make sure to let your partner know that you respect and trust him/her and deserve to be treated the same.

I have learned that no matter what the problem is, there is always a solution, because problems are the "Higher Power's" way of spicing your life so you won't get bored of living it.

I have learned that if happiness appears in a form of a lover, you should grab hold with both hands firmly yet gently to avoid controlling the other person.

I have learned that if there are obstacles in life you have to face it with both eyes open and cross it with both feet firmly striding thru the bridge despite the frequency of the swing through the rough winds.

I have learned never to look down so I won't fear falling and I won't alleviate the knowledge of not being able to make it across.

I have learned that love alone does not put bread on the table.

I have learned that alot of people has suffered more than me.

I have learned that emotional pain is greater than physical pain but we can always get through it.

I have learned that no matter how bad things can get, there are people who would stand by our side.

I have also learned that I learn something new everyday...